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Will you let me handle things for you?"I nodded and Emily got up and walked away.I ate a few bites of supper, feeling listless and worn. The emptiness was still there, along with a great sadness. Deep down inside I felt guilty, as if Mom's death was my fault. If I had been in the house every day, I might have been able to prevent at least some of the arguments. Emotions previously unknown to me came to the surface of my mind, floated there for a little while, then disappeared. None were constant, and none made any sense at all.Later in bed, Nollie said, "I won't let you go back there. It's not safe." What about Sean and the twins?" I asked. "Are they safe, too?" They're hers, and you're not," she replied. "I think that makes a big difference." Isn't she my legal guardian or something?" I asked."We'll see," Nollie replied. "I'll talk to Mom."The funeral was held the day after New Year's, and I wore a borrowed black dress. Emily had purchased a new pair of high-heeled black pumps for. All I remember is drinking a whole bottle of whiskey. After that, there’s nothing. Just the image of the empty bottle and then I woke up on the floor, naked, and fucking aroused despite the worst hangover I’ve ever had. That can’t be good for me. I’m taking ibuprofen and water. The pounding of my head seems to be in a cadence that matches her name. Chloe. Chloe. Every fucking beat. I’m going to take some sleep aids and go to sleep ’til work tomorrow. *** I looked up from the journal entries that Stephanie had given me from over the weekend and stifled my urge to sigh. Sighing wouldn’t be professional under the circumstances. Instead I gave her that careful patient look that sometimes elicits gushes of words from those patients of mine that have a great deal to say but hesitate to say it. Stephanie didn’t notice my carefully controlled look. Her head was bowed down and her face covered by her hair. She was curled up on the biggest couch in my office, a tiny spot of suffering in a pool.
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